Tis the season for creating new traditions and spending time with family…. I was so excited about Christmas when my girls were younger I was so exciting to see their faces as they came down the stairs to see what Santa brought…I divorced when my girls were young 2 and 4 so those early Christmases were a blast…Today I could do without the holidays at times…I mean the commercialism really does get old…I am spending this year with my girls and my sweetheart and this I am looking forward to.
So many clients have been wrought with sorrow this year as this is their year without their children and they are feeling panic and anxiety that things will be different and they will be alone and lonely…So many people are wrapped up in the fact that the illusions of holidays gone by are the ways they are suppose to spend their holidays now and the fact that the kids will be with their other parent they really are stuck…I remember my first Christmas without my girls…I was overwhelmed with pain and sorrow I was angry with myself for not being able to make my marriage work and for being so unhappy…I was filled with self doubt blame, sorrow and pain…One of my dear friends invited me to spend the Christmas with her and her family in NewYork. This was also her first Christmas without her daughter so she was feeling the same pain…so reluctantly off to the great white north I headed…It was not the preferred way I thought at time, to spend the holidays but I must admit that the new traditions was fun. It was great to be in the city at Christmas it snowed and the tree at Rockefeller center was beautiful…It was strange to be away from my girls but I wanted to really be by myself to really spend time getting to know me and to figure out what I really wanted out on my life and wanted to start discovering who I was.
So many this year are still struggling with their limiting believes about the holidays stuck in the what should be verse really creating what they really want or really just recognizing that they do not have to buy into everybody elses traditions and limiting beliefs. The holiday season is a time to reflect a time to give thanks a time to be grateful for who you are and the opportunity to create a life that you desire and love. It is a time to remember that you are here for a greater purpose that you are here to bring love and joy to many and to do this you must bring love and joy to yourself.
So many have asked me to help them change their mindset and to come up with new things to do and ways to spend the holidays. So here are some suggestions If you are without your children.
Take a trip go someplace you have always wanted to go.
If truly being alone is more then you could bare this year then spend time with people you love. Ask someone close if they mind if you can come over and be with their family. People love to give and you would be surprised how many people would love your company and having you over.
Every year that my kids are with me we bake for two days before Christmas and we invite everyone we know especially if we know they re alone for the holidays we love opening our home to people and sharing our hearts and our home with people.
If you have the money, adopt a family buy the kids presents and go over Christmas eve And share your love…Giving during the holidays really brings out something in a human that is really hard to explain until you do it.
Find peace, love and forgiveness for yourself and your ex…remember to nurture you and all that you are and your divine soul. You deserve it.
Rent or buy all the funny Christmas movies and watch them all in a row…I did this last year after I left a friends house Christmas eve I laughed so hard it was brilliant
Lat year I went to dear friends home we had dinner and I helped put their four yr olds daughter bike together with Santa what fun was that. Sharing the joy of other children is so fun and takes the sting out of not being with yours. LOVE LOVE LOVE…
Feed the homeless this is so rewarding and they are so appreciative. You know I did this for Thanksgiving and I had so much fun. I was happy and cheerful and greeted everyone with a smile and something positive to say to each and every person that came through the line. Being an empath and able to feel the energy of others I could feel their spirits lifting and some people just down on their luck were so grateful to see a smiling face at the end of the food line.
Go down into a poor neighborhood in your area and take wrapped presents and give them out to the children playing in the street…so rewarding.
I have taken coats down to the homeless shelter on Christmas and passed them out until they were gone, giving from your heart is uplifting and rewarding and knowing that you are helping someone less fortunate is divine.
Go to the abused women shelter and bring toys and gifts for the women and children who have no other place to go and are spending the holidays scared and alone and probably feeling pretty hopeless.
These are all things to do when you have your children as well. Teaching your children to be compassionate is one of the beautiful rewards we have as a parent to see you children act in a compassionate manner. It will truly make your heart soar.
Go to a retirement home and spend the day entertaining and visiting the elderly. If you feel alone go spend time with those who truly are alone you will hear some amazing stories. Bring games, cards anything to entertain these lovely people.
Go to the hospital and visit the children’s ward…seriously you want to bring some joy and cheer go spend some time with the terminally ill kids their spirits are truly AMAZING you will seriously feel so blessed and to connect with the young people of today is one of the greatest pleasures of my life.
My mom taught us early about volunteering and giving back. We reluctantly did meals on wheels, volunteered all the time, we visited to elderly, and we worked haunted houses, fair booths for charity. We ran battered women’s shelters and hotlines. We were always giving back. I love this part of my mom. She really loves to help. She loves to be involved and she really has always been there for every one of her friends. Not all were grateful and that did not matter, my mom gives anyway…I love this quality and I am grateful to have this same quality in me and I am passing to down to my girls. They, of course,s reluctantly go and do volunteer work with me. I know that their complaints will someday be gratitude for learning early to be compassionate, kind, nonjudgmental and unconditionally loving.
PS there is a wonderful organization called Earth gives.org…you can find amazing gifts to give to families globally. This is a great way to teach your children philanthropy and compassion.
So when letting go of the old thoughts about the holidays remembers that it is up to you to decide how you are going to feel and what you are going to do to have an amazing holiday.
I look forward to hearing about all of the amazing new holiday traditions you have recreated for you and your family….Have fun thinking of all of the amazing possibilities…
Sending love, light and lots of holiday cheer…
Dorcyparental alienation, PAS