Dr. Steven G. Miller’s video, “Why Courts Fail to Recognize Parental Alienation” wasn’t something I was aware of until only a few days ago. Dr. Steven Miller’s insights on this dynamic are spot on, to say the least. For those of you who haven’t seen it, check it out at the bottom of this post. This is the 7 1/2 minute version but there is also a full 41 minute version.
One part of his testimony really stood out for me. This is where he described the need for people to be specially trained in knowing what to look for when determining if alienation is occurring. Otherwise, as he describes it, it is easy to make a “fundamental attribution error”.
I had a different way of describing it, but I am sure most of you will know what it is the moment you see it. I noticed that the therapists in my case who were willing to look at a larger scope of behavior on the part of myself, my ex, and our child, started to get a clearer picture of what was going on. The ones who looked at only one part of the puzzle (either my ex or our child or the two of them without much if any input from me) were the ones who saw me as the problem. For example, the CPS case worker’s supervisor told me after their investigation (see “The End Run Nuclear Option“) that they reported my ex and our child demonstrated a warm and loving bond. I knew it was BS but until I saw Dr. Miller’s video I didn’t have a phrase for it.
What is the Fundamental Attribution Error?
According to Dr. Steven Miller, the fundamental attribution error occurs when an untrained therapist makes very broad assumptions based on very limited exposure to the parents in a high conflict custody situation.
Most alienators (especially the more severe kind) are very good at mimicking social cues that get people to sympathize with them. They come off as cool, calm, and collected. The targeted parent, who hasn’t had much, if any contact with their child or children for an extended period of time is experiencing stress on the level of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder—like what some war veterans experience). He or she tends to come off as more anxious.
The attribution error comes in when the therapist (or judge or social worker) sees this and assumes that because they are behaving like that in that instance, it must mean that’s how they parent. The short answer is, NO. It does not mean this. Unless the therapist is trained to look at other dynamics like enmeshment between the favored parent and the child they mistakenly think the targeted parent is the problem. The targeted parent should definitely be getting some help (see “Coping Strategies Part 1” and “Coping Strategies Part 2” for some tips) but this does not mean they are engaged in the destructive behaviors the alienating parent is engaged in.
I think that getting the word about this single point could be very effective in and of itself to making therapists and others who deal with high conflict situations to widen their scope of consideration to get a potentially fuller and more accurate take on what is going on.
I have been e-mailing the link to the shorter video below to therapists, state legislative offices, and will continue to do so. As I explore this further I’ll keep you posted. Any thoughts or things you’ve been doing to spread this idea are welcome!
Great article can i send you the family court that needs to have this sent to? I have been the target for the last 2 1/2 yrs since ive seen or spoken to my now 13yr old son.
Sure, but is there a reason you can’t send it?
How do I directly contact Dr. Steve Miller?
Hi Paul
I am unsure. If anyone reading this knows please share!
Same question here. Contact info please if you have came across it yet
Dr. Miller is a bit hard to track down. Here’s a link to a talk of his on YouTube. Maybe ask around there as well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zk675aYGHV4
Christine, are you asking for someone else to send this article to the family court on your behalf? From what you’re saying it seems like you feel the court won’t take you seriously because you’ve been trying to get through for 2-1/2 years. Is that correct?
Accepted invitation to yesterday’s information, Dr Steve Miller presented, in regards to PAS in court
Hearings. I spent the last 4 yrs doing Extensive research on PAS! The info he presented, I was able to follow, only because, I love my son, and will Not give up! I give every waking moment to research! Otherwise I would not be able to follow. Out of desperation, and necessity due to the peril my child (victim) is in, I need to know how to reach him. I have tried the blog but don’t get anywhere.
I can tell you there are plenty of good resources here and the related groups. I was able to reverse my situation without ever speaking to him. (His info is fantastic but from what I understand he’s not easy to reach.)
Please share how did you reverse it ???!?!?!
Short version—there were two big factors in addition to working on myself through counseling, etc.. (Search for the series on coping strategies on this site):
1. I began asking for it after the court-ordered therapist started working with our family and I learned about the option from Dr. Miller. I researched it so I sounded competent, and kept saying my eventual desired outcome was the child having two parents in a meaningful way but showed that unless there was any chance for our child to reset to the targeted parent it would not work and the child’s best interests could not be properly served.
2. I put everything into a timeline to quickly show the judge a pattern of behavior, quickly. (See This Post)
3. I worked with what I had. You may not have the same circumstances. So work with the circumstances you do have. If this doesnt answer the question well enough, KEEP ASKING.
I filed for divorce in 2018. Since then my ex wife is doing everything to kick me out of our kids lives. On one hand , she is manipulating the court system to keep me away from our kids on the other hand she is brainwashing our kids. She blocked me from Even though I have court order that says I can call them twice a day. She is stopping me from participating in their school activities, their doctors need. After brainwashing them for years, my kids just started to reject me. It hurts because i didn’t have caring parents while growing up so I thought I would do everything in my power to be in our kids lives so they don’t have the feelings that I had while growing up all these years but here I am begging my ex to let me be in our kids lives and she doesn’t get.
I’m SO sorry to hear that you’re going through such a challenging time. It’s understandable that you’re feeling hurt and frustrated by your ex-wife’s actions and that you’re concerned about your relationship with your children. As a fellow parent who has also experienced the pain of being separated from my child, I can truly get your situation.
One piece of genuinely helpful advice that I can offer is to prioritize your children’s needs and feelings over your own emotions or your ex-wife’s behavior. While it’s important to assert your legal rights and advocate for your relationship with your children, it’s equally important to maintain a calm and empathetic demeanor when communicating with them. Dr. Craig Childress recommends an approach called “authentic presence,” which involves providing a safe and accepting space for your children to express their feelings and needs, even in the face of their resistance or hostility. Professional “approach” or not, the behavior has been with positive results.
It’s also important to seek out the support of a qualified mental health professional or parental alienation expert who can guide you through this process and provide you with more specific advice based on your unique circumstances. Keep reaching out and asking for help. I know I learned a bit about the legal process and if you read through the site you’ll see ways I out pressure n my ex to behave, like filing show cause/contemot motions whenever my ex broke court orders. I was adivsed by a friend to consider thinking of the ex as a bit of a toddler having a temper tantrum. She said that unless I assert boundaries (like getting the Court involved when needed) they’ll just keep screaming and tearing the house apart. Remember that you’re not alone in this struggle and that there is hope for repairing your relationship with your children.
Pathological enmeshment, the alienating parent has an unhealthy enmeshment, w/the child , to the point where the child has lost his or her individuality! (This is what is happening w/my child) Pathological enmeshment is a problem! (Chilling, this is what has happened to my child!) To a Non expert, looks exactly like a close warm relationship. . Help!
Welcome to the community.
Please feel free to email me.
james@beyondparentalalienation.com I’m sure I can direct you to good info and perhaps some people who can help.
The attribution error is profit and sexism by court workers
For sure there are those with large egos, those with motivation to keep what’s been the status quo going, and those who don’t know better. Those who really want to help and have, through ignorance and misinformation, been enabling the issue are the best place to start.