This last Thursday was going to be the day I finally got to get into court for the custody review hearing. This time, it got continued until December 20th, along with the order to show cause hearing because CPS didn’t send the right documentations to the court house and we (my ex’s lawyer and myself) could see what CPS along with other professionals have reported on the evaluations my child has been put through for the last 21 months now.
This time, it was a valid reason, but it still stems from the “mysterious” and “coincidental” false sexual abuse allegation from July 1, 18 days after the June 13 emergency custody motion was denied. By the time this gets heard now, it will be 21 months since my ex-spouse manipulated my visitation with my child down to almost nothing, 13 months from the temporary custody hearing from which the unconscionable arrangement was extended for what was supposed to be 4 weeks while we switched out child’s therapists. And now, having been cleared of any wrongdoing, it will be 5 more months, not because anyone thinks this arrangement makes any sense (well, anyone but my ex) but because we can’t get in front of the judge.
In the meantime, my child is getting a little older (she’s 8 now) and is getting more familiar with the territory, and she doesn’t like it. There was a bit of a small frustrated outburst today about her lack of overnights with me. It’s a tough call to be in the position of doing what I can to be sure she is not drawn into the middle of this but also acknowledging her frustration. I told her I’m working on it, and that I’ve never stopped working on it. I mean, she knows who’s doing this. It’s still my job to not blame. But on days like this, I’ll admit it’s difficult. I know she isn’t wanting to choose sides, she wants both of us. As I’ve said many times, she didn’t divorce either mom or dad.
It’s helpful for me to remember that at least the judge has some idea that mom is not behaving appropriately. And I hope it will actually get heard on this date. I remain cautiously optimistic but also know the ex’s gameplan is to do everything she can to keep her child away from dad at all costs so I don’t think anything’s a guarantee.
So, as I have been doing, I’ll continue to make the moments I do have count.
Photo by johnrosman 
I am afraid that yours is a tale that we hear too often and exposes the flaws in the family courts. The delays are well known – 5 months for something else to get heard?! Yes, far too long – ridiculous. The alienators know this as well. Your case sounds far more promising than most. Your child DOES want to see you and is not happy in her surroundings. You do have a lot in your favor here and the Judge acknowledging the bad behaviour of your ex. I wish you the best of luck. This all started 21 months ago -that is a lot of upheaval in your child’s life not to mention the emotional turmoil. Hang on in there – although really feel your pain of the waiting on a daily basis for this to be resolved and the time spent without your child.
Family court reform is desperately needed. That is the motto of your story and alienation of course.
Hi Pamela,
Thank you for the comment. I agree with everything you’ve said. I am chronicling this because I remain steadfast that I will do whatever I can to give our child the opportunity to have both parents, but also to hopefully give people something to relate to along the way.
The story isn’t finished—I do not underestimate my ex-wife’s capacity to pull all kinds of destructive stunts, but so far this is hopefully encouraging in some way. I hope one day that the law I am working to change in my state will be one of many and that stories like this become fewer.
Being cut out of my 16 yr old daughters life through alienation by her NON-CUSTODIAL mother has taken its toll on me. My little sweetheart was going to grow up- I expected that…but to grow away from me and for her to feel nothing, i would never have imagined in my worst nightmare. My daughter’s joyous, celebratory childhood we shared and she reports no recollection of it. It’s saddening and hurts the heart. I feel like I should have had a funeral for her because she’s “gone.”
Now that her mom has teamed up with my 5 yr old son’s mom, who I am no longer with either, I feel as though i want to disintegrate. Funny how once bitter enemies can unite as a “team” on a shared agenda. The “coach” is the attorney and the judge, a “ref” who could not care any less. They altogether, with their respective counterparts make a mockery of the system only Smith and Wesson can fix. Before anyone gets excited, I mentioned that because that’s essentially what these people are doing, killing innocent lives. We victims don’t have that in us.
And yet, I hope you won’t give up.
If you haven’t yet read any of Dr. Childress’ or Dorcy Prueter’s stuff I would highly recommend it. What they say and what they feel are at odds. Don’t give into the external communications. Do something, whatever you can to let them know you still love who they are in spite of what they say.