Today, after almost three years to the day since filing, the judge in my case handed down a temporary custody order.
It was different from the previous attempts, one being a hand written memorandum of judgement that severely restricted my child’s access to her father which had been negotiated after my ex took off with our child and wouldn’t return until I agreed. I liken it to putting on one of those small spare tires on a car but ending up driving 50,000 miles on it. It wasn’t meant to last this long.
The other, several months later, which started to graduate to more time, was stayed as more accusations were made.
This order is the culmination of a long term pattern that a competent therapist who among other things is familiar with Dr. Childress‘s work helped uncover and the judge was able to see.
It was a surprise to everyone. I think given the lack of resources this was fairly resourceful on the judge’s part. He was balancing the clear behavior on my ex’s part, with his concern of her abducting our child, along with the damage he believed it might do to suddenly switch custody to me given all the poisonous messages our child has been getting for three years. I am posting this because I think it is an example of a step forward from ignorance of the destructive behaviors my ex has been engaged in to recognizing them but coming up with hard solutions because resources are still scarce.
- Our child was remanded to foster care while reunification therapy happens.
- My visitations have not been curtailed and are on track to progressing to more time.
- My ex has gone from 95% custody to every other Saturday supervised visitation.
- There are solutions beyond losing our children. I feel incredibly blessed to have what looks like a different story to share. We need to keep getting educated in learning and addressing emotionally abusive actions, rather than reacting based on what we want to be true.
- I look forward to the day when this sort of solution is no longer necessary because these dynamics will be identified far sooner before the damage is this severe.
I am posting the order with all personally identifiable information redacted. Like I said, it’s not pretty, but it is something better than what could have happened had I not learned about what was happening and was able to (for the most part) keep a cool head and let my ex’s pattern of behavior speak for itself.
| Entry of Order 14 Nov. 2017 |
| Timeline Accusations Events Example |
UPDATE: This order was appealed and stayed. (Stayed, meaning temporary suspension of the ruling.) Two weeks later, the Appeals Court reversed the stay except of the supervised visitation and remanding into foster care. See “All About Winning” for more details. That said this is a still good example of a judge who really gets what’s happening.