Today, after almost three years to the day since filing, the judge in my case handed down a temporary custody order.
It was different from the previous attempts, one being a hand written memorandum of judgement that severely restricted my child’s access to her father which had been negotiated after my ex took off with our child and wouldn’t return until I agreed. I liken it to putting on one of those small spare tires on a car but ending up driving 50,000 miles on it. It wasn’t meant to last this long.
The other, several months later, which started to graduate to more time, was stayed as more accusations were made.
This order is the culmination of a long term pattern that a competent therapist who among other things is familiar with Dr. Childress‘s work helped uncover and the judge was able to see.
It was a surprise to everyone. I think given the lack of resources this was fairly resourceful on the judge’s part. He was balancing the clear behavior on my ex’s part, with his concern of her abducting our child, along with the damage he believed it might do to suddenly switch custody to me given all the poisonous messages our child has been getting for three years. I am posting this because I think it is an example of a step forward from ignorance of the destructive behaviors my ex has been engaged in to recognizing them but coming up with hard solutions because resources are still scarce.
- Our child was remanded to foster care while reunification therapy happens.
- My visitations have not been curtailed and are on track to progressing to more time.
- My ex has gone from 95% custody to every other Saturday supervised visitation.
- There are solutions beyond losing our children. I feel incredibly blessed to have what looks like a different story to share. We need to keep getting educated in learning and addressing emotionally abusive actions, rather than reacting based on what we want to be true.
- I look forward to the day when this sort of solution is no longer necessary because these dynamics will be identified far sooner before the damage is this severe.
I am posting the order with all personally identifiable information redacted. Like I said, it’s not pretty, but it is something better than what could have happened had I not learned about what was happening and was able to (for the most part) keep a cool head and let my ex’s pattern of behavior speak for itself.
| Entry of Order 14 Nov. 2017 |
| Timeline Accusations Events Example |
UPDATE: This order was appealed and stayed. (Stayed, meaning temporary suspension of the ruling.) Two weeks later, the Appeals Court reversed the stay except of the supervised visitation and remanding into foster care. See “All About Winning” for more details. That said this is a still good example of a judge who really gets what’s happening.
Amazing! Baby steps! But still huge leap forward! Congratulations Frankie!
Thanks, Michael. Baby steps and huge leap forward. I agree. The more stories like this out there the more they let others know the story of this dynamic is beginning to change and the endings have more chances of being brighter.
I have a similar outcome, yet very different. The last judge in my case found there was overwhelming evidence of alienation caused by the father of my son.
The judge said, I was the parent that showed better judgement and also put the child first. she ordered sole legal custody to me but she was reluctant to having the child move home to the parent that was so severely alienated from the child because the child could be traumatized, run away or try to hurt me.
This is so so sad … alienation found, answer on how to best resolve it, inconceivable. ” the child will remain in the father’s care for lack of a better solution.” Child too alienated from mother to return him to her!”
These Judges are cowards and lack foresight to see the long term welfare of the child is being destroyed by keeping the child in the home of the pathogenic parent!!!!
Hey Alessandra
Change is coming. And good for you for deciding to be part of it rather than wait for it to come from somewhere else. The one thing I think differently on is not that some of these judges are cowards, it’s that they don’t have many options at the moment, so even when they want to step up it can be difficult to go against the tide of pathogenic lawyers and mental health professionals. But change is coming.