Letter to Pathogenic Parentby Michael Allen

Dear Ex Spouse,

While I fully understand the trauma you went through, today you are making a choice.

You went through something horrible….I get it. Today however, you are replaying that trauma through our child and abusing them just as you were abused.

I am sorry if you feel rejected or abandoned at our divorce or separation. I truly am but our child does not deserve to suffer as you did. Our child has a loving parent waiting to spend time with them, love them and share time with you. What you went through was horrible, it is trauma for sure. Just please don’t repeat this pattern through our child.

We are adults…we have choices. Let’s work together to break this cycle of pain for our child. I know you hate me and that’s o.k…hate me all you want. Our child deserves the love of two parents. Our child will flourish if we can work together.

I know you may not see it but I am not your enemy. I am not the person that hurt you when you were young. You don’t have to like me….just please love our child more than you hate me. I will do my best to share, love and co-parent our child—just give me that chance.

All the money we waste in family court we could use to buy our child gifts, take vacations and spend on college for our child.

You contributed 23 chromosomes to our child as did I. Our child is half of each of us. I will always love you as the parent of our child so I am not abandoning you. We will always be a part of each other’s lives to some degree and you loved me at some point. Let’s try to work together so we can give our child a happy, healthy life. I will not hurt you like you were in the past. Even if I wasn’t the best spouse or vice versa I love our child as much as you do.

Let’s stop this pain…even if our child says they don’t want to see me….it will help them if you encourage a relationship. I’m always willing to sit down and talk…let’s end this pain cycle. It’s just not worth it.

Our child deserves better.

Signed with love,

Targeted parent