As we move more and more to a digital society our gaps continue to widen. We begin to lose authentic connections with people and as we do we start to develop more and more insecure attachments.
There is a pathogen sliding around us in plain sight and we as a society are blind to it at the moment. A pathogen is a sickness, a virus and in this case not necessarily a biological virus strain but a sickness in critical thinking, reasoning and judgment. Dr. Craig Childress a clinical psychologist from Pasadena, California describes an attachment trauma developing more and more and it continues to feed and grow on pain and suffering. This pathogen which feeds on pain and thrives in darkness has no motive, no agenda other than to spread more pain. The pathogen survives by “splitting”….it creates divides…divides in groups, ideas, thoughts and people stop talking, communication breaks down and the isolation grows. Divide and conquer…pathogen wins…more pain.
You see it more and more in the news and our society. What we know as today terrorism, school and mass shootings and anything you see in the media that causes pain….is the pathogen in our society. People struggle to understand why this could happen, why this person could do this or even simply how an ex partner could be so cruel amidst a divorce or break up. The pathogen has no agenda other than to cause more pain. Struggling to make an illogical situation logical is a futile battle that would drive anyone insane.
Well we have to stop asking why because the answer is right in front of us and we as a society are asleep to it. Childhood trauma. At the base of it all is childhood trauma and we learn to reenact those patterns of trauma unconsciously if left unresolved and untreated. Trauma is complex because it is unique to the individual. My Supervisor once said to me “One persons hangnail could be another’s end stage cancer” meaning it affects us all differently.
This trauma pattern shifts and grows and the old saying hurt people…hurt people is so very true. It causes a ripple effect that can carry on for generations if left unbroken. Empathy is the powerful emotion that is also getting eroded in our “selfie society” and is slipping away before our very eyes.
How do we stop this?
How do we stop the murders, rapes, drug addiction (opioid epidemic) and teen pregnancies plaguing our families and society as a whole? As individuals we have a choice. We can choose to ignore these trauma patterns and reenact them or recognize them and choose to break them. If we choose the latter then we have some work to do. We have to first ask ourselves if we are brave enough to face the painful truth to take a journey of growth and then slowly put one foot in front of the other until we eventually reach our goal of true inner peace and happiness. The pathogen thrives in darkness so we shed light on it…we begin to talk about it. We begin to tell our story to help other’s realize “hey that happened to me too” (or know someone) and then the healing journey can start.
I began my crusade over two years ago fighting through a high conflict divorce and a journey to end pathogenic parenting. I realized later that the problem was much deeper than “parental alienation” and boiled down to trauma. Attachment trauma…childhood trauma…most of us suffer from it on some level or another and if we don’t, we know someone close to us who has.
Once we have a deeper understanding of trauma and how it affects us, our children and our families….then we can start moving towards breaking the pattern. The beautiful thing is that ripple effects work both ways. We change how we react…we react with love and understanding vs. anger.