be photoThere’s a reason flight attendants tell you in the event of an emergency (trauma) to put on your oxygen mask before even your child’s.

You can’t help them if you’re incapacitated. This video is wonderful for expressing the child’s viewpoint. But rather than make the mistaken notion that somehow winning against what your ex is doing will heal the pain that is inside you and thus them, you need to reverse the order. Otherwise you will never get what you most want—being OK.

Even if you “win” on some level, which is highly unlikely, the issues that got you here to begin with will still be there and your child will still carry the scars of not having the bonds they are hard wired to have properly expressed.

Rather than trying the impossible:

HAVE a winning mindset
DO what winners do

Go at it from the only way that will work:

DO What OK people do (Which includes fighting when necessary with love in your heart)
HAVE what OK people have (Good relationships with the real friends and loved ones in your life, children who know they’re OK as well, forgiveness for your ex because it frees you ) which may be expressed on the outside as “winning” in court in the sense that winning means you can help restore a proper separated family system for the benefit of your child or children.

While it might sound difficult I won’t lie, it probably will be. However in the end it is the easier, softer way.

And there are resources available like never before to help. Learn about what is really going on and what is going with you to perpetuate it. Commiseration is good for knowing you’re not alone but useless for meaningful action.

You can start here:

AND REMEMBER: consider it from your child’s perspective.