I’ve posted a lot the last few years about things I have learned that have been really helpful. While I think it’s all important, this is one of THE most important weapons in fighting the insanity of the pathological alienator and their allies.
It’s called the timeline. While the concept is simple, it seems to be woefully underutilized. The timeline takes the truth and puts it out in an easy to see, easy to grasp way for judges and evaluators to get. I know that there are some of these professionals who are blinded by their own bias, but I think from what I’ve read there are probably more who, if they could be properly educated, would be able to shift their perception.
The timeline is a tool, and it requires a desire to stay focused on our children rather than winning. The alienator has very specific strengths, and used properly this can help combat them effectively. Not by being better at what they do, but by avoiding getting sucked into their conversation altogether.
Their strengths are based on emotional arguments, flawed reasoning that can come off as sound and getting you involved in their argument. One very effective way they do this is by distorting time and inappropriately shrinking context.
Let me give you an example:
An expert witness was on the stand in recent custody review. They stated I was easy to work with and had no issues getting relevant information from me concerning this case. The other side on cross examination, noted I had gotten a little (and I mean little—I heard the audio and it was not much) assertive when the lawyer started saying things about me that were patently false. As I am pro se I asked the judge if I could object. I then said the lawyer was making this up and overtalked the judge for about a sentence.
My ex’s lawyer actually said, “seeing what just happened before, are you concerned about the Plainitff’s mental state?”
The witness, who is a very cool under fire individual, simply said “I’ve never had any issues with him.”
The lawyer then said, “Are you aware that the Plaintiff was found to be emotionally reactive and demonstrated poor boundaries?”
The expert answered “yes.”
When it was my turn to clarify I asked the expert, “When was I found to be emotionally reactive and demonstrated poor boundaries?”
The long and the short of it was that this was found to be true two and three years ago before and in the beginnings stages of attending court ordered therapy for two over two years—where the therapist currently working with me has stated I have made significant progress and would not say those things are true anymore in a capacity that would be detrimental to my child’s well being.
While this is good, it’s still relatively easy for the right lawyer to keep lobbing these types of things to the point it gets muddled in a judge’s mind (or any human being’s.)
Enter the timeline. The timeline is dispassionate. It simply shows the facts. It is drawn from documentation and records and paints a big picture really fast. It makes an impression, both on your ability to remember and refer to events, but also to people who have too many cases and not enough time.
I am sharing at the bottom of this post a timeline I created out of very inexpensive software showing the correlation between court events, evaluations, and times accusations surfaced and/or my child was at the doctor or reported sick.
If you can afford to have a service to get this stuff in order I’d say do it. If you have been devastated financially like I have, you may only have grit and determination at this point. I feel strongly that everyone deserves a chance at getting their kids back by whatever’s available, not just those with significant money.
I want to do whatever I can to help those willing to put in the work to get one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal out there.
Please feel free to look this sample timeline below. Click on it to get a larger version you can right click or tap and download.
The names have been redacted.
If you have questions contact me, preferably in the comments if it’s general enough (privately if not) so others can benefit.
I would like information on creating a timeline as I am going through this
Hi Jonathan, I’m sorry to hear!
Send me an e-mail at james@beyondparentalalienation.com and I’ll get you info on what I used.
You should make sure you have all documentation / evidence you can get a hold of and organize it. It is important because it will make your arguments much stronger to validate each and every point you make. You are looking to establish an ongoing pattern of behavior and it only has weight if it can be proven. The timeline can provide a birds-eye view.
Hello, I thank you for providing this information and would also be interested in seeing what you used and how you used your case information to compile this timeline. I’m experiencing a similar situation that has caused nearly 9 months of being separated from my two young children. I’m represented by an attorney but I feel compiling this would give the court a clear chance to see what has truly been going on for a year and a half now. Thank you
Send me an email: james@beyondparentalalienation.com
I get you some specifics. I’d say you’re likely on the right path going this route. Clear information. Don’t let anything fall through the cracks. Specificity and a way to see the big picture like on a timeline is what we have. It’s powerful.
I would love to talk with you at some point I’m working on getting a law passed so that no parent or parents will ever have to go to court and represent themselves. Just because of the other party having money does not make them better people or parents.
Hi Mandy,
Please send me a message. Let’s see if we can talk next week.
If you’ve looked over my blog, you can see I am looking to promote legislative solutions.
Hi James,
It would be great to talk to you. I am Pro Se and have court on Friday. My ex has not followed therapy and communication orders besides other court recommendations. I see with you that it is possible to get my boys (12 & 15) back after 3 years.
I’m also heading up the Chicago PASO group.
Thank you,
Ellen
I sent you an e-mail. Thanks for reaching out.
Yea… I could definately use this tool as well… however…. mine is complex… even more so than the example…. could you talk to me about pertinent and stuff I should leave out… the evidence I have fills a large moving box from Walmart, if that says anything… I have court on the 19th… please respond to others with less time first.
Please email me. I’ll send the information along with the demo project that has some categories set up to make it a little easier.
We can go more in depth but and overall rule of thumb is to point out things that establish a pattern of behavior that is impeding the ability of your child from having two parents.
Most every court wants to hear that. And they are looking for the parent that will facilitate that.
If you are or have been do not compile your data to show the other parent to be wrong. That’s the game they want you to play and will most likely win out if you go in that direction.
Show the behavior that has been impeding or preventing the outcome of two parents in the child’s life. Always from the child’s needs perspective.
I always use terms like my child when they are with me—not when I have them. I refer to my child by name frequently in my pleadings and statements when I’m in court.
A timeline is what won my case..Took 3 yrs,but I did it!
I also would like to know how to obtain this information, and anything else you have as I too am battling alone against this very thing.
I would highly suggest checking out support that may be in your area live. Also, keep reaching out online. Never before have so many resources been available. Start here and see if there is a group near you. https://www.facebook.com/groups/pasointernational